Kandeo and Allenet
by Synonymous Brian
Summary: The Black Order is putting on a play, Romeo and Juliet! Kanda is Romeo and Allen is... Juliet? Will the rivals be able to act as lovers without killing each other? Will Allen learn to act? Will Lenalee STOP TAKING PICTURES DURING THE KISS SCENES? Yullen!
1. Allen is Doomed to Forever be Uke

**Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS!! If you've only watched the anime, or have not read in the manga up to like, ch. 142 then don't continue unless you want to sulk and sob in an emo corner for a really long time (I know what it feels like, after finding out Spike Spiegel died only three episodes into Cowboy Bebop, it crushed me) OOCness, but for the sake of comedy. References to and sexual innuendo, if you are an uber-freakish tight prude, then go find a cutesy K rated fic. And of course, BL, so if you're a homophobe, then I suggest you click the back button and read a nice Allenalee or Lavilee story **

**A/N: Hi! This is my first shounen-ai fic! And it's going to be Yullen However, I've actually never read a Yullen fic before, mainly because I just don't like the fact that Allen is doomed to be uke, but ah well, here I am writing one, unable to contain the plot bunnies bursting out of my head. Oh yeah! And this takes place after the Level 4 Arc, meaning it will include characters such as Leverrier (Hitler-face) and Link, Lenalee's got her new parasitic Dark Boots (which by the way, are AWESOME!) but her hair's still short, and Kanda and Lavi's weapons are in the middle of rebuilding. Also, I'm not sure who's dead and who's alive, so I'm just assuming that Reever and Bak are living. Tapp however, is sadly lost forever… :(**

**Anyways, read and review please! And enjoy if you can too **

**Disclaimer: This doesn't belong to me… its all the mighty Katsura Hoshino's… except for Allen XD**

**Allen: Hey! I don't belong to anyone!**

**Me: Okay never mind then, I've don't own the beloved Allen either... –sob-**

_**xxx**_

"Attention all Black Order members!" shouted Lee Komui, standing atop a wooden cafeteria table with his arms spread wide. Reever Wenham stood beside him, looking very professional with his clipboard. The cafeteria filled with scientists, finders and exorcists immediately quieted down, staring at their head chief.

"What's that idiot up to now?" Kanda Yu grumbled, slurping up his soba, Lavi who was sitting across from him grinned and shrugged. Lee Lenalee stared at her older brother expectantly, sipping her soda, while Allen Walker devoured his food at 135 mph. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but ah well.

"Due to the recent extermination of the level 4 akuma, and the newly rebuilt Black Order HQ, in honor of our victory, we shall be putting on a play, that all Black Order members must audition for!" Komui yelled. A low buzzing quickly filled the cafeteria.

"A play?"

"I'm no good at acting!"

"I wonder which one it'll be?"

"ZOMFG111 Im lyke so xcited111 LOLOLOLZ! ROFLMFAO111"

"I hate chatspeak," Kanda muttered.

"Ne, Allen," Lavi nudged the boy who was still consuming vast amounts of Mitarashi Dango at alarming rates. Allen swallowed and patted his mouth with a napkin, "What do you think this is all about?" Lavi asked.

"Dunno, maybe Komui decided we all needed a break?" Allen offered, shrugging.

The red haired exorcist grinned, "Hehe, check out Leverrier," he said with a faint smirk, pointing at the man who stood in the corner of the cafeteria. Upon his features was painted a tight frown, small eyes glaring at Komui while his faithful attendant, Howard Link stood rigid by his side. Allen cocked his head, mouth filled with squid. Lavi chuckled, "He's livid."

Allen tried to laugh, but then started choking on his calamari, Kanda raised an eyebrow, Lenalee immediately asked if he was all right and Lavi thumped him on the back.

"What, can't even handle a squid, Moyashi?" Kanda muttered, smirking.

Allen glared at him, "Shut up dumbass, and its _Allen_, jeez, I guess you really are stupid if you can't even say my name right." Kanda sent him a glower as Allen continued to smirk mischievously, "It's only got two syllables, Al-_len_, Al-_len_, I didn't think it would be _that_ hard for you to pronounce, but then again you _are_ a dumbass…" he said, shrugging with that evil, glazed look in his eye.

"Why you…" Kanda muttered, sliding his replacement Mugen out of it's sheath, but Lavi quickly patted it back in.

"Remember Yu, control," Lavi said soothingly, grinning, "Deep breaths, in, out, in, out, in, out, good, remember to breath, think of all your favorite things, such as bunnies, and bean sprouts, and your lotus, and sleeping and soba and tempura, and yaoi fanfiction…"

"What was that last one?" Kanda asked, suddenly snapping out of his anger and raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing," Lavi said quickly, blushing and looking away.

"Immediately after lunch, auditions shall begin! Bak Chan-" Komui gestured to the head of the Asian Branch sitting at the table he was standing on, "and I shall be the judges! Now, I'm sure you are all excited to know what play we shall be putting on and it is… Reever, drumroll if you please…"

Reever sighed and half-heartedly patted his hands on his clipboard a couple of times.

"ROMEO AND JULIET!" Komui shouted, throwing his arms out wide into the air, "By the infamous William Shakespeare! Now, please, Bak-chan and I shall be waiting in the newly constructed auditorium! Please form a neat and orderly line! Good luck to you all!" and with that, the Chinese man hopped off the table, Bak and Reever following.

Allen sighed; he wasn't particularly that excited about the play and would rather be out fighting the akuma, Noah and Earl. But… he sighed, _'I guess I don't really have a choice.'_

"Well, this is a change," muttered Lenalee, "Are you guys up to it?"

"Hellz yeah!" Lavi cried, "I'm quite an actor and it'll be fun!"

"This is the most stupidest event the Black Order has held. It holds absolutely no point and is utterly futile," said Kanda, having finished his soba and tempura and was standing up.

"Aww, Kanda…" said Lenalee, "don't take the fun out of everything, although I admit it is rather random…"

"C'mon Yu!" shouted Lavi happily, grabbing Kanda by the ponytail and dragging him off, "Let's go audition together!"

"No! And stop calling me by my first name! Let go of me! Moron! Hey! Wh-what are you doing!? No! Stop touching me there! Stop!" Kanda's screams died out as Lavi pulled him out the door, doing who-knows-what to his body.

Lenalee laughed and turned to the white haired exorcist, "Ready, Allen-kun?"

Allen shrugged and sighed "I'm full so I might as well," he said and stood, smiling, "Let's go!"

_**xxx**_

"Um… er… O Romeo, Romeo, er… wherefore at-sorry art thou Romeo? Th-thou art myself-thyself-sorry, though not a Mon-Montague… erm, what's Montague? It is a um… nor hand, er or-sorry, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor a-any other part be-belong-um, -ing to a… er, man. O, be some other name! Umm…" Miranda Lotto quickly flipped a page in her borrowed script, "hold on, hold on," but in her nervousness, she accidentally dropped it and shrieked, hastily picking it up, "S-sorry! I'm so sorry! Er… can I do a do over? Sorry!"

Bak had sweat dropped through out the whole performance and was currently writing comments on a sheet of paper. Komui coughed and pushed his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose, "Ahem, we've seen enough Miranda-san, next!"

"But n-no! Give me another chance! I swear, I can prove myself!" cried poor Miranda.

"Sorry Miranda, but we're running short on time, next up is… Lavi!" said Bak as the hyperactive redhead bounced onto the stage with a woot, and patted the sniffling Miranda on the shoulder, offering a couple of words of encouragement and a grin. She blushed and her expression brightened considerably as she walked, no, sorry, tripped off the stage.

"Okay, Lavi," said Komui, sitting up farther in his chair, "Who are you trying out for?"

"Romeo!" he shouted, "And I shall be acting out his lines from Act 2. Scene 2." The exorcist said.

Bak nodded and Komui took a sip of his coffee, "Please, go ahead Lavi."

"Ahem," he said, quickly composing his face, "He jests at scars that never felt a wound!" he said loudly, pronouncing each syllable clearly and articulately, "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" he pronounced rather dramatically, "It is the East and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou her maid, art far more fair than she!" Lavi exclaimed with extreme feeling, "Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off, It is my lady. O, it is my lo-"

"Lavi, that's enough!" shouted Komui, interrupting the boy who seemed to be in quite a rant.

There was a silence.

"Was I… bad?" he asked, with a slightly hurt expression. The crowd went 'Aww…' as his green eye grew large and watered slightly and he brought his thumb to his lips.

Komui looked rather uncomfortable, "Um… no, but I feel you couldn't really, ah, er get into Romeo's character, you know? It was more like you were Lavi, shouting Romeo's lines but wasn't Romeo himself," said Komui with a grimace.

"Oh, okay," said Lavi, looking utterly dejected as he walked off the stage, the many people waiting in line going 'Aww…' again. Miranda, who was sitting in the audience with the other people who had already auditioned awkwardly patted him on the back as he sobbed into her shoulder.

"Okay then, who's next… ah… Allen-kun!" said Komui.

"Good luck!" Lenalee whispered from behind him.

Allen nervously grinned and walked onto stage, stiff as a board and looked stricken with stage fright, "Um… er… I'm going to do, ah, Romeo, like Lavi, Act 2. Scene 2, um, so yeah…" he took a deep breath and read word for word from the script which he held right in front of his nose, thus, muffling his voice and making it impossible to see his face, "Erm, he jests at scars that never felt a wound" he said mechanically, like a robot with no emotion and tone whatsoever, "But soft what light through yonder window breaks it is the east and Juliet is the sun arise fair sun and kill the envious moon who is already-"

"Okay, stop! Stop!" Komui shouted, holding his palms out.

Allen finally lowered his script, "Yes, Komui-san?"

"That was… horrible!" he said, "It sounded worse than a robot! You were just reading word for word off the script in monotone! Next is, Lenalee!"

He let out a sigh of relief, glad to have gotten it over with so quickly and joined Lavi in the audience who consolingly mussed up the younger boy's hair. Allen grinned, "I'm a shoe-in for serving man number 2."

Lenalee sighed as she got up on stage, "Nii-san is being so harsh…"

"My dearest, sweetest Lenalee!" Komui cried while Bak stared at her with hearts in his eyes.

She sweat dropped, "Um, I'm doing Juliet, and I shall be reading lines from Act 2. Scene 2, so ah… here I go," she took a deep breath and composed her face to that of a love struck girl, "Oh Romeo," she said, clasping her hands together, "Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" the Chinese exorcist recited, staring at the ceiling in wonder, "Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love" the girl said dreamily, "And I'll no longer be a Capulet."

Both judges gasped and stood up, applauding rapidly, "That was beautiful my sweet Lenalee!"

"Beautiful!" Bak echoed as Lenalee smiled prettily and thanked them, jumping lightly off the stage and taking a seat next to Allen.

"Wow, Lenalee you did really well," said Allen appreciatively as she grinned at him.

"Ahem, next up is… Kanda-kun!" said Komui, sitting back down.

Kanda sighed, an anger mark appearing on his cheek randomly. But honestly, when is there ever not an anger mark on him?

"Whoo! Go Yu! Whoo! YEAH!" cried Lavi, clapping and punching a fist in the air.

Another anger mark appeared on his cheek and Kanda sighed, "Stop calling me by my first name! Damn molesting brat…"

"Okay then Kanda, who are you trying out for?" asked Bak.

Kanda sighed again, as if he really didn't want to be there, which was true, "I guess I'll do Romeo, and like everybody else, Act 2. Scene 2." He closed his eyes, meditated for a second then opened them again, and shocked everybody with his look of tenderness and gentleness.

"He jests at scars that never felt a wound," he murmured, yet loudly enough for the whole auditorium to hear, then suddenly snapped his head up and looked lovingly at the imaginary Juliet, raising his hand and gesturing to her, "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?" Kanda asked, gray eyes glazed over, "It is the East, and Juliet is the sun," he said with a surprising amount of sweetness, "Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief that thou, her maid, art far more fair than she," said the usually angry boy gently, as if he really was Romeo and in love with Juliet, "Be not her maid since she is envious. Her vestal livery is but sick and green, and none but fools do wear it. Cast it off." He said passionately, "It is my lady. O, it is my love! O, that she knew she were!" he cried, clenching his hand into a fist and pressing it to his heart, "She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that? Her eye discourses; I will answer it," he breathed a sigh and closed his eyes, opening them, and crossed his arms, turning to face the judges and audience, an anger mark appearing on his cheek again, "Well?" he asked rather rudely.

Komui stood with his mouth agape, speechless, broken coffee mug smashed onto the table, black-brown liquid dripping to the floor. The whole auditorium was silent with shock.

Kanda sighed, "Morons," he muttered, "Well, I don't really care how I did, if you'll excuse me, I'll be angsting over my dying lotus in my Emo corner," he said shortly and stalked out the auditorium.

"That was brilliant," breathed Komui, fixing his glasses.

_**xxx**_

Allen yawned and stretched as he opened the door the next morning, finding many people rushing through the halls. It had been a day since Kanda's performance and the whole Order was buzzing about it, Allen who had just woken up, was quite eager himself to find out what part he had been given (even though he was quite sure it would be Serving man number 2) and lightly ran with the flow of people to the bulletin boards.

There was a giant crowd bustling and moving about, creating lots of noise, Allen noticed Lavi, Lenalee, Krory and Miranda already there, but squeezed through them all and finally came to a stop in front of the bulletin board. His jaw dropped.

_Romeo… Kanda Yu _(no surprise there)

_Juliet… Allen Walker _(WTF?!)

_Friar Lawrence… Bookman_

_Nurse… Lee Lenalee_

_Tybalt… Howard Link_

_Benvolio… Arystar Krory III_

_Mercutio… Lavi_

_Capulet… General Marian Cross_

_Lady Capulet… General Cloud Nine_

_Escalus, Prince of Verona… Noise Marie_

_Paris… Chaoji Han_

_Montague… Reever Wenham_

_Lady Montague… Miranda Lotto_

_Petruchio… 65_

_Abram… Toma_

_Balthasar…. Buzz_

_Apothecary…. General Winters Sokaro_

_Friar John… General Froi Tiedoll_

_Sampson… Jake Russell_

_Gregory… Maosa_

_Peter…Kie_

_Chorus (includes pages, citizens, musicians, watchmen, serving men, attendants, maskers, torchbearers, a boy with a drum, gentlemen, gentlewoman)… Gozu, Michael, Pedro, Thierry, Devon, Other finders whom of which will have to be OC's…_

"Hey Allen, whose part did you…Eh? Juliet?" Lenalee asked, as Allen was still speechless.

"JULIET!? ALLEN!?" Lavi shrieked, putting his hands up to his mouth in shock, "And Kanda's Romeo…" Suddenly, an evil glazed look took over his face, "Oooooh, you know Romeo and Juliet get married have _sex_ right?" Lavi giggled, grinning with a smirk, "Hey Yu!" he called.

"Um, Lavi I don't think that's a very-" Lenalee started.

Kanda who had been standing at the edges of the crowd glanced up, anger mark appearing on his cheek again, "What?"

"I hope you do a good job pounding Allen senseless into the mattress!"

"…" There was a long awkward silence as Allen was still completely stupefied; Lenalee was laughing uncontrollably, Krory seemed to be suffering from certain… ahem… mental images and Miranda shrieked, her hair standing on end at the thought of… yeah… Lavi was still grinning, yet looking incredibly scared and Kanda… Kanda seemed to be emotionless as his brain processed the words Lavi had just hollered.

"What. The. Hell."

A dark aura suddenly seemed to overlap everything as Kanda stared at Lavi with an absolutely livid expression. The poor red headed exorcist squeaked and ran as Kanda drew his katana and took a swipe at him.

As Lenalee's laughter slowly subsided, she sighed, shaking her head, "Poor Allen-kun, doomed to forever be the uke…"

**A/N: Okay, woot! My first slightly shounen-ai fic that I could actually finish is up! Yes, there will be kissing between Kanda and Allen that doesn't take place while rehearsing for the play and yada, yada, yada… So anyways, yeah, I personally felt that it went quite well, sure it was a little rushed at some points but otherwise okay. And they're supposed to be kinda OOC XD Also, you may be finding elements of Lavi/Miranda in this fic, sorry, but I just love that pairing so much! Don't worry, it'll be really subtle, like the stuff in this chapter. I am also a huge Allen/Lenalee fan, but once again, don't worry, Yaoi fans, this is a Yullen fic, so I'll try my hardest not to put any in. But still, it's mostly going to be humor, so yeah… constructive criticism is always welcome, just no flaming!**

**REVIEW! I love them XD**


	2. Kanda Needs Help Getting into the Closet

**Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS!! If you've only watched the anime, or have not read in the manga up to like, ch. 142 then don't continue unless you want to sulk and sob in an emo corner for a really long time (I know what it feels like, after finding out Spike Spiegel died only three episodes into Cowboy Bebop, it crushed me) OOCness, but for the sake of comedy. References to and sexual innuendo, if you are an uber-freakish tight prude, then go find a cutesy K rated fic. And of course, BL, so if you're a homophobe, then I suggest you click the back button and read a nice Arerina or Lavilee story XD**

**A/N: Wow, guys, thanks so much for all the positive reviews! It's really quite motivating XD Anyways, this chapter's kinda crackish and the characters are even more OOC than the last, especially Allen, Kanda, Lenalee and maybe Lavi? Anyways, I sincerely hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Me: I own D.Gray-man!**

**Allen: o.O**

**Me: Okay! Fine! I don't own D.Gray-man! I don't! Happy? -sniffs and cries- Come back Allleeennn!!**

**Allen: O.o Freak...**

**Me: -Hiccups and continues to cry-**

_**xxx**_

"KOMUI-SAN! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?" Allen Walker shouted, slamming a gloved fist onto the Chief's desk, causing ripples in the coffee in his mug and shaking some of the stacks of books. A lone piece of paper slid to the ground. Komui picked up his mug, the one with Yoshi on it, and took a sip. He smacked his lips.

"Ahem, Allen-kun, what is 'this' precisely?" he asked.

"THIS!" Allen screamed, beside himself, slamming down the cast list that he had torn down from the bulletin boards once he had regained the ability to think. "And not only _this_ but _this_!" he yelled, waving a finger at Kanda Yu, who stood behind him, rapidly.

"Allen-kun, please stop using so many pronouns, it's hard to decipher what you mean," said Komui, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Wh-why the hell did you cast me as Juliet? I am a boy! A _boy_! I have a fricken penis!" Allen said, obviously beside himself to use such vulgar words, "And not only that, but I suck at acting like hell! Even you said I was horrible! So why in the world was I cast as the lead _female_ who has to make-out with that _thing_!?"

"Hey! Call me a thing and I'll scratch your eyes out, Moyashi!"

"Not now, girl-man! I'm in the middle of a rant!" said Allen, turning to shout at Kanda before spinning around and facing Komui again, "Well!?"

Komui gave a nervous bark of laughter and scratched the back of his neck, embarrassed, "Well, um er, ehehe, I didn't expect you to be so mad Allen-kun, you're usually very mild mannered, um…"

"Just answer the damn question!" shouted the irate white haired exorcist.

"Ok! Ok! I didn't want my precious Lenalee playing as the romantic interest of anybody!" Komui cried, hiding behind his clipboard just before Allen threw a punch at him. His fist making a large dent in the plastic right before the head chief's face.

"Then what about Miranda-san or General Cloud Nine?" Allen asked through gritted teeth.

"Well, Juliet's thirteen! And both Miranda and General Cloud Nine are over twenty! They exceeded the age limit!" Komui said.

"So you thought that was a good reason to make _me_ Juliet?" Allen asked, finally retreating.

Komui breathed a sigh of relief, putting his disfigured clipboard down, "Yes."

"What about Lavi? Or Chaoji?" Allen asked, still red faced and furious.

The Chinese man smiled, "Well, you're obviously the youngest here" he said, "So it should be much easier for you to play the female instead of Lavi."

Allen groaned, his anger having died down considerably, "But what about kiss scenes?! I can't kiss another male!" he said, pointing at Kanda.

"Yes! For once, I am agreeing with him, there is no way in hell that I am kissing Moyashi!" Kanda also shouted, joining Allen at the table.

"Back in Shakespearian times, they didn't allow women to act, so it was always an all male cast, those men didn't have a problem kissing each other for the sake of the play," said Komui.

"B-But-"

"You can't-"

"Why-"

"I don't-"

"I can't-"

"What-"

"We-"

"I'm a fricken boy!"

"Quiet!" Komui shouted amidst their broken protests, "Now just accept your fate and leave me be! I have work to do." _Che, yeah right…_

"But-"

"This is so gay!"

"Leave!" said the head chief.

Allen and Kanda both pouted and sulked, finally turning around and stalking out.

"Oh yeah, and just in case you wanted to know, Lenalee specially requested that Allen be cast as Juliet, and you know I can't go against what my precious sister says," Komui said.

"L-Lenalee?" Allen asked as both boys turned around, eyes wide.

_**xxx**_

"Hm, hm-hmm" Lenalee hummed, lying back on her bed and kicking her legs up, reading her script as Nurse on her bed and memorizing lines when-

BAM!

The door to her room banged open and in flew Allen, Kanda and Lavi (who had decided to tag along).

"LEE LENALEEEEE!" Allen roared, pointing an accusing finger at her.

She sat up and smiled innocently, "Yes, Allen-kun, Kanda, Lavi?"

"How could you betray me?!" Allen asked, furious again. Kanda stood off to the side with his arms crossed while Lavi sniggered.

Lenalee cocked her head, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh yes you do!" he shouted, nearing the bed dangerously as she sweat dropped, "You told Komui-san to make me Juliet! Admit it! You betrayed me!"

"No, I didn't" she said, smiling impeccably.

"Yesyoudidyesyoudidyesyoudid!" Allen shouted, shaking a finger at her.

"Um, Allen, maybe Komui was-" Lavi started.

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrogating the suspect, Lavi!" Allen yelled, "Did you, or did you not request Komui-san to cast me as Juliet!?" he asked the Chinese exorcist.

"Fine, yes I did," Lenalee said, still smiling annoyingly.

"Don't deny it, you- wait what?" Allen said, cocking his head, a loose lock of white hair suddenly springing up.

"Did you not hear her, Moyashi? She just admitted that she is the reason you are cast as Juliet, do you have hearing problems, or is your brain just too small and slow to process information quickly?" Kanda asked, closing his eyes with an evil smirk.

The youngest exorcist rounded on him, "Sh-Shut up, Kanda! And it's Allen! I'm in the middle of an interrogation here, so stop interrupting me, dumbass!" he turned back to the girl with a sudden saddened expression, and sniffed "How could you betray me, Lenalee?" he asked, falling to his knees on the floor, long white strands covering his eyes, "How?"

She smiled, "Easy, I just told Komui Nii-san to cast you as Juliet."

That comment hit the boy like a boulder.

"Ouch," grinned Lavi, sniggering.

"Wh-why? I trusted you! I thought you were my friend!" Allen cried, head snapping back up pleadingly, distraught.

"You are my friend, Allen-kun," said Lenalee, still smiling during Allen's moment of dismay.

"Th-then how could you do such a thing to me? Why would you want to cast me as a girl?" sobbed the poor boy.

"I didn't mean it that way, I would cast you as a boy if I could," she said consolingly, awkwardly giving him a small pat on the shoulder.

"What do you mean by that?" Kanda asked skeptically. He was starting to have a theory…

"Well, the sad truth is that Juliet is a girl" the short haired girl sighed, "If only Allen could play as a boy and still be Juliet..."

"How is that any better?" Allen whined from his spot on the floor, "I'll still have to kiss Kanda!"

Lenalee suddenly grinned, pulling her legs up to her chest "And that was my motive from the beginning."

Lavi gasped in mock shock (Hahaha 'mock shock,' sorry), grinning, "Lenalee! How dirty!"

"Nooooo!" Allen sobbed, "Why? Why did you do this? Do you have something against me? How can you be so cruel?"

Lenalee just grinned, "Because I want to see two guys making out," she answered.

Kanda suddenly joined Allen on the floor, shaking with pent up sobs. His theory had been proved correct!

Lavi's eye grew wide, "You… you're one of _them!_" he said, gaping at Lenalee.

"One of what?"

"A yaoi fangirl!" he accused.

She smiled, "Why yes, yes I am."

Lavi beamed, "Finally! I'm not alone! We should form a club!"

"Yeah, we should!" Lenalee said excitedly, "we can hold meetings everyday and write smutty lemon fanfiction, draw man on man buttsex fanart and make yaoi slideshows!"

Lavi gasped, "That would be a dream come true!"

Meanwhile, on the floor, Kanda was extremely distraught but not like the white haired boy beside him. Poor Allen sobbed, now _both _his best friends had betrayed him! What had he ever done wrong to deserve this punishment? It was over all over!

_I should make an emo corner too, like Kanda…_ he thought.

_**xxx**_

"A dog of the house of Montague moves me," said Jake Russell, or 'Sampson', reading off his script as he and Maosa, or 'Gregory', rehearsed on the stage. Komui was watching and directing below, sipping his black coffee. Off stage, Toma the Finder, Krory, Link, Cross, Cloud, Reever, Miranda, Marie, and many finders who were playing serving men and citizens waited in the audience, ready to spring on stage when needed. They were in the middle of their first rehearsal and were presently acting out Act 1. Scene 1, where a fight breaks out between the people of the Capulet and Montague families on the streets of Verona, the Prince shows up and makes a law that if there were another fight, they would be executed. Then Romeo enters and whines about his unrequited love for Rosaline to Benvolio and grows mushrooms in a corner.

The only character missing was Kanda, probably because he was just being damn stubborn and didn't want to act as the lover of Allen. Komui sighed, he would have to send someone to find him eventually, but for now, he needed to concentrate on the scientist and the new finder who were making fools of themselves, giggling over every line.

Jake Russell fought to keep his sniggers under control, "Ay, the heads of the maids, or their m-maidenheads. T-take it in what sense thou wilt!" he said, desperately trying to frown, and failing miserably.

"They- they must take it in sense that f-feel it!" said Maosa, shuddering from suppressed giggles.

"M-me they shall feel while-while I am able to stand and t-tis known I am a… a… _pretty piece of flesh_!" he burst out.

Maosa giggled, but stifled them with his fist, "Tis w-well thou art-art not f-fish; if thou hadst, thou hadst p-poor john. Dr-draw thy tool. Here comes the house of Montagues," the finder breathed out as Toma hopped onto the stage with a couple of finders, right on cue.

Jake Russell suddenly couldn't control his laughter and ended up hunched over his stomach unable to read the next line, his face was bright red as he was overcome with giggles, "My-my- hahahaha! My- n-nake- Pffffft! Ahahaha ha! My- my n-naked w-w-w- Ahahaha! _My naked weapon is out!"_ he screamed before falling to the floor, giggling and squirming, "Naked weapon is out! Who knew Shakespeare was such a pervert!?"

Komui sighed, "Somebody's mature," he muttered before standing up, "Okay, that's it! Obviously you are too immature to handle these lines, so we shall be randomly skipping ahead to the masquerade scene, Act 1. Scene 5 now, where's Kanda-kun? Allen-kun?"

"Um sir, nobody's seen them since this morning! We think they are purposely avoiding rehearsals," called out a helpful and random finder.

Komui sighed and rubbed his temples, "Well, somebody get me the phone so I can call them via golem! If they don't pick up, somebody get them for me! And if they refuse to come out of their rooms, tell them I'll bring in Komurin V! Also, since Lenalee is a yaoi fangirl, she won't save them this time!"

_**xxx**_

Allen was residing in his newly formed emo corner, sulking about how his life sucked and growing mushrooms. He couldn't trust anyone anymore, not Komui, Lenalee or Lavi, who were yaoi fans, hell not Kanda, as they had hated each other to begin with. Maybe Krory, Miranda, Marie or Chaoji, but no… they had actually seemed quite glad when he had gotten the part of Juliet, giggling and chuckling at his humiliation. So no he couldn't trust them either… What about the science department guys? He sighed. No, not them either, they were most likely on Komui's side… Bookman perhaps? Wait, he was an old person and Allen didn't expect old people to understand him. Not Hitler-face and his accomplice, Link, despite the fact that he had saved him during the level 4's attack. Hell not Cross… that bastard… not any of the other generals either…

He had nobody left!

Wow, Allen cocked his head to the side, he hadn't expected himself to be this good at emo-ing when he first started! Time for more angsting! _I was cast as the lead girl character in a play! I suck at acting! And I have to play as the lover of my rival who is a GUY! Oooh the horror! The horror!_

…

Okay, maybe he wasn't as good as he thought… The boy pouted, prodding one of his newly grown baby mushrooms… It died. He pouted even more and sighed, flopping onto his back in the middle of the room. Suddenly, Timcampy, who had burst out of nowhere gently nudged the exorcist, vibrating.

He blinked blearily at the golden snitch with a tail and slurred, "Phone call? From Komui-san?" He sighed and stood up unwillingly, connecting Tim to the phone with the cord, "Yo," Allen said shortly.

"Allen-kun!"

"Komui-san?"

"Yes! We're rehearsing Act 1 Scene 5! And you're in it! You're 15 minutes late! Did you forget?" Komui asked.

Allen groaned, he had purposefully been trying to avoid it, "Yeah I forgot," he lied.

"Well, rehearsals are starting and you're not at the auditorium, so come on, we're all waiting for you!"

"I don't want to go," Allen said blankly and honestly.

"But- EEEEEEEEEEEK!" Komui suddenly screeched a high-pitched shriek and there were sounds of massive fumbling as someone else grabbed the phone.

"ALLEN-KUN! If you don't get your big fat lard of an ass down here right now, I will kick you with my Supersonic Parasitic Dark Boots so hard your grandchildren will feel it! I've spent _hours_ trying to work the new video camera that the science department developed just so I could film the make-out scenes! So you BETTER be down here or I'm going up there!"

"_No freaking way._"

CLANG!

"Ugh! He hung up on me!" Lenalee screeched angrily, she narrowed her eyes, "Innocence… _Activate!" _And with that, she zoomed out of the auditorium.

_**xxx**_

"Yu-chan…"

"What? And don't call me that!"

"Yu-chan…"

"What!?"

"Yu-chan…"

"What the hell do you want, you molesting rabbit-brat!?" Kanda asked angrily. Said Japanese boy had recently been doing some extra training in the nearby woods, but Lavi, the freak, suddenly showed up out of no where and claimed there was an emergency…. Only to bring him back inside to the lounge to shoot him multiple bedroom eyes and say 'Yu-chan' over and over again. It was so goddamn annoying.

Lavi frowned, "We have rehearsal you know."

"So?"

"Shouldn't we be going down?"

"Do whatever you want, I'm sure as hell not playing Romeo," Kanda scoffed, reading his book intently.

"But Yu-chaaaan! You're such a great actor! And you seemed to be really getting into it yesterday! Why act try so hard when you don't want the lead?" The red haired exorcist whined.

"I wasn't really trying," Kanda said blankly, still reading, or at least that was what it seemed like, for his eyes never moved.

Lavi frowned and ducked his head into his arms that rested on the arm of the couch, "Show off," he muttered, but then perked up "C'mon, you got the part! Now you have a responsibility to fulfill! So just come, okay?" He pleaded.

"No."

"Yu-chan! Nobody can play Romeo as well as you do!" Lavi was now rocking back and forth on the couch.

"Whatever, I'm still not having Moyashi as my lover," Kanda grumbled quietly.

There was a short silence before Lavi's pout slid into a grin.

"Oh, so you just don't want to declare your undying love to Allen, eh? Even if it is acting…" he said with a glint in his eye.

"Exactly," Kanda snapped and turned back to his book.

"Aww, don't you think Allen's cute?" Lavi asked with a glint in his eye.

Kanda immediately went rigid in his seat, dropping his book and sitting bolt up, face turning 50 different shades of pink, magenta and red in the space of 5 seconds, "_E-Excuse_ me? M-_Moyashi_? _Cute_? Wh-what gives you the idea that _I_ would think _Moyashi's_ cute? I-I'm a_ guy_! I can't find _other_ guys cute! I though you were stupid before, but now I _know_ you are an idiot! To think that _I_ would think that _he's_ cute! No! Never! Not in a million years! I laugh at you! Aha! Ha! Ha! HA! Do you know how _off_ you are? Are you drunk or high or something? How could you come to that conclusion? I think you're snorting something! I will report you to Komui! B-But still, how could you ever even_ imply_ that I would think that _Moyashi_ is cute? I hate that kid! I want to scratch his eyes out! He's a fricken stick! And he's so short! Only two centimeters taller than Lenalee! You must be out of your mind! You're probably a queer! That would explain the molesting and bedroom eyes and the thinking of Moyashi as cute. He is _not _cute! He is a…a… moron! Yes, a moron! Morons can't be cute! And besides I'm _Kanda_! I don't find_ anything_ cute! At all! Never! Ever! I don't-"

"Yu-chan…"

"-Do you even know the definition of cute? I doubt you do-"

"Yu-chan…"

"Me? Moyashi? Cute? You must be out of your mind! You-"

"_Yu-chan!_"

Kanda stopped in the middle of his excruciatingly long rant and glared at Lavi, _"What?"_ he asked rudely.

Lavi grinned, "My, my, Yu-chan, you sure are getting worked up over one simple, tiny question…"

_"I was not worked up!"_ he screamed, sending his hair on end.

"Okay, okay, Yu-chan," he said, holding up his hands in defense, "But you know what they say about certain people who deny something so hard, it's probably true…"

"Well it's not true!" Kanda roared, standing up, more than twenty anger marks popping up on his face.

Lavi just shook his head, "But Yu-chan, I find Allen kinda cute, and I'm a perfectly happy, healthy, straight male," he said, grinning.

There was a short awkward silence.

"No you're not," said the Japanese exorcist blankly, "This conversation is over! I'd like to get back to my book and for you to not bother me about going to those damn rehearsals! Get away from me!" he cried angrily, nearly losing it.

The other boy sweat dropped, "Aww, what's the ma-"

"I'm a homophobe okay!?" Kanda burst out, glaring at the other slightly younger exorcist.

Lavi cocked his head and stuck a finger into his mouth curiously, "But, Yu-chan, how can you be scared of something you already are?"

-Insert long silence and laser beam evil glare! Oh noes! DX-

"I. Am. Not. Gay." Kanda said in a deathly growl.

Lavi whimpered but quickly composed himself; _this is for the fan club! I must work harder! _So instead of screaming and running away, he shakily grinned and tsked, "Tsk, tsk, Yu-chan, denial, denial, don't worry, I have some pamphlets on coming out of the closet if you would like some-MEEEEP!!" He shrieked as Kanda's replacement Mugen blade found it's way to his throat.

"This is all about me being afraid to play as Romeo with Moyashi as Juliet, isn't it? Fine, I'll go to rehearsals, as long as you stop implying that I'm… I'm on _that_ side of the fence," he said through gritted teeth, slowly releasing the redhead who gave a sigh of relief, rubbing his neck.

"Okay then Yu-chan! C'mon!" Lavi said happily, grabbing the Japanese boy by the arm and dragging him out the hall.

They were suddenly greeted with the sight of Lenalee carrying Allen by the armpits, flying towards the auditorium as he kicked and squirmed.

"Let me go! Let me go! I am not playing Juliet! I am not making out with a boy! No less, Kanda! Let me go! This is torture!"

"Shut up Allen-kun! This is for the sake of the yaoi fan club!" Lenalee cried.

"But-"Allen gave one final, feeble kick but then gave up, crossing his arms and pouting, wrinkling his nose and jutting out his lower lip just slightly.

Suddenly and randomly, Kanda started bashing his head against the wall repeatedly… and it looked to be very painful.

Lavi smirked, "You just thought he was cute, didn't you, Yu-chan?"

Kanda only banged his head even harder.

**A/N: Yes, Yu-chan, think of Allen's incredible cuteness! XD Anyways, sorry if this chapter was too crackish or OOC, especially Allen, Kanda and Lenalee, I tried XD Oh, and here are the review responses!**

**Noheals: Thanks XD But why would you want an emo corner? They're so depressing and filled with mushrooms lol.**

**Kagu-chan luvs An1m3: Wow, thanks so much! I suppose Lavi is slightly perverted… XD Hooray for caps lock!**

**subaru-kun: Thank you -grins- Yes, Kanda deserves to have all the fun in the world XD**

**seaturtlesrox: Thank you! And yes, as you can tell, I allowed Lavi his life XD He is the perfect Mercutio, isn't he?**

**Kiracookies: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! Love the penname by the way XD**

**animesyndrome: OMG! –Freaks out- YES!! And they are so freakin awesome! -Spazzes- Of course, Allen's Crown Clown and sword of Exorcism are even more awesome… XD And yeah, I think they are the parasitic type, you know, cuz they are part of her body… well sort of, it's like… she's wearing her own blood… which is awesome XD**

**Evee-chan: Thank you -smiles- I hope I gave you enough good reasons to why Allen was cast as Juliet XD**

**Thista: Thank you! Glad you like it :D**

**Sarahfreak: Wow, thank you! Haha, I highly doubt it will, they'll probably like, blow it up or something XD**

**windam2611: Thanks -grins-**

**bruderlein: I'm glad that you like it XD**

**yugikitten: XD Well, yes, I've never even heard of a fic in which Allen's seme, which kinda pisses me off, but still, compared to Kanda and Lavi, what choice does he have but to submit? XD**

**SilentKiller1: I'm glad you are looking forward to it! Nice pen name by the way XD**

**Pay Backs a Bitch: Haha, I'm reading Romeo and Juliet too (actually I finished like two days ago, but whatever) so I can forgive you for skipping those parts, even though I'd rather you read them XD**

**dagmw: Thanks so much! And your English is quite good, better than a lot of native English speakers I know -sweat drop- XD**

**Chibi Mozart: Haha, thank you! And I did continue didn't I? XD**

**buchouslvr: Thank you, I'm glad you like it!**

**Hana Goldflower: Thanks… hmm… perhaps Allen enjoys being the uke? XD**

**olivia-yuymaxwell: Yeah, I was really stuck on the title and couldn't choose between the current one and 'Romeo and Juliet: D.Gray-man-ified' or something XD But I'm glad you find it hilarious! Yay uke Allen!**

**Velvet Blindfold: Yes, Yullen comedy is the cutest :D Thanks!**

**Wulfi-chan: Oh no, no, no, no, no! I should be thanking YOU! For reading and reviewing my humble fic! XD Haha, you had the same idea? That's funny, but you know what they say, 'great minds think alike' or something… XD**

**Weeeeee! I'm like, so hyper right now, sorry XD Oh yeah, has anyone heard the new theme song? Personally I like the third better, but this one's quite good too! God, there are so many spoilers in the opening sequence XD Anyways, constructive criticism is always appreciated! Just no flaming please!**

**REVIEW!! XD**


	3. Kanda Doesn't Think Allen's Cute?

**A/N: Hi! Are you ready for another chapter of 'Kandeo and Allenet'? Well here it is! Beware though, Allen's incredibly OOC, but for… romantic purposes -coughs- Ahem, now, onto the story!**

**Disclaimer: Katsura Hoshino owns it all, not me, I'm just a mindless fan… -chokes up-**

_**xxx**_

BAM! BAM! BAM!

"Allen-kun! We can't start rehearsals without you! And it's already been thirty minutes!"

"Aww, Allen! What are ya, seven? Some man you are, hiding in the bathroom when faced with confrontations!"

"Allen-kun! You open this goddamn door right now or I am busting it down with my Boots! You hear me?! ALLEN-KUN!"

A small crowd had formed outside one of the Headquarters' bathrooms near the auditorium. Allen had somehow wriggled himself out of Lenalee's strong hold and dived into the bathroom, locking the door and barricading it with a trashcan, a plotted plant, the paper towel dispenser, the soap dispenser, the sink, one of those New! Febreeze Vanilla Ice air fresheners and massive amounts of toilet paper that he had found in the cabinets. He had tried to dislodge the toilet and push it up against the door too, but alas, no luck, it was too heavy and ceramic. Allen strained, pressing his back on all the items barricading the door, trying to put more weight on it as the small mob outside pounded relentlessly on it.

"Allen-kun, get out, now, I am losing my patience with you, young man!"

"Allen, if you don't open this door right now… I'll… I'll… TellJerrytonevercookforyouagain!"

"…"

"What?"

"That is the emptiest threat I've ever heard Lavi, and not to mention stupid."

"Hey!"

Allen sweat dropped.

"Whatever, Allen-kun, on a count of three you will open this door, if you don't I will kick right through it, all the objects you've held against it and you! One…"

Allen only pressed himself against the objects harder, even though he knew it would be absolutely of no use. _Damn, this isn't good… but I'm not going out no matter what! Call me a coward, but I'll never give up! _The white haired exorcist screamed inside his head.

"Two… Allen-kun, I'm warning you…"

_NEVAIR!_

"Two and a half… Allen-kun!"

_I will never give in!_

"Two and three-quarters… You better be out here in less than a second!"

Allen pondered if it really was worth getting kicked in the head by a supersonic boot made of crystallized blood and innocence just to avoid acting as a girl and kissing a boy…

Yes, yes it was…

"Two and four-fifths Allen-kun!"

He would never go out! Never! He was Allen Walker: Destroyer of Time! God's Clown! The Musician! The Fourteenth! -

"Just come out already, Moyashi!" yelled an extremely angry voice that was not Lenalee's.

Allen's face suddenly paled as he felt himself lose his tight push on the objects behind him, "K-Kanda?" he questioned, saying something for the first time since he entered the closet- er… I mean the bathroom.

"Yes it's me, Moyashi! Now stop being a sissy weakling and get out here! Lenalee and that stupid rabbit brat tied me to a chair just in case I tried to escape while they rallied you out! And I am telling you, it is not fun being chained to a chair! So just get your skinny little ass out here, you invertebrate!" Kanda shouted, for indeed he was bound to a chair outside in the auditorium, chains crisscrossing over his chest, waist, lap and legs. His arms were tied together behind the back of the chair and his ankles were also tied together onto one of the legs.

The youngest exorcist gulped, "But I- You- Juliet- Dress- Make-out-" he stuttered.

"Whatever, Moyashi! I know you're probably just being overly self-conscious, but come on! It's just a stupid and random play! Nobody cares if you're wearing a dress or acting as a girl! And neither should you! You're being a selfish coward… over a stupid play! And you know I hate cowards, not that I didn't hate you before, but still! I've gotten over having to play Romeo _and_ my homophobia for the sake of not getting called a queer by that rabbit brat constantly so you need to get over playing Juliet so we can both get this dumb thing over with and never speak about it again! As for the kiss, we'll deal with that when we get there! So just stop being a stubborn pansy and get out here to rehearse so I can GET OUT OF THESE GODDAMN CHAINS!" the irate Japanese exorcist shouted, bouncing with his chair.

On the other side of the door Allen remained silent for a couple of seconds, then sighed, '_Okay, I admit it, Kanda's right, I'm just being stupid and stubborn_' he sighed, '_After all, like he said, it's just a stupid play and at least he's here to suffer with me,_' he smirked before sighing yet again, pushed the cluttered objects blocking the doorway out of the way and turned the knob, '_Goodbye pride and dignity and hello pure humiliation_' he thought mournfully before finally stepping out into the world, and besides, he wanted to see Kanda bound to a chair by chains. The white haired boy guiltily blushed.

"Allen, my man! So you've finally accepted your fate!"

"Allen-kun! You're here!"

Allen stumbled backwards slightly after getting mauled by both Lavi and Lenalee before they quickly shoved him towards the auditorium.

"C'mon Allen!" Lavi sniggered as he and Lenalee pushed the boy like one of those package delivery carts up and onto the stage then into the wings while Komui ran to unfasten Kanda who looked to be ready to go psycho and start killing everyone.

Kanda frowned and rubbed his wrists, grabbing his script and also jumping into the wings.

"Alright," Lavi said, walking up onto the empty stage while Komui sat in the front row of the audience, the distant yells and massive shifting and thudding could be heard offstage, most likely belonging to and caused by Allen, "Let the rehearsals begin!" The red head cried.

_**xxx**_

"What lady's that which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight?" Kanda recited, half reading off the script and using various hand gestures, although he was more willing than to play his part than the bean sprout, that didn't mean that he enjoyed it any more, he just wanted to get it all over with. But then again, he supposed that if he was Juliet and the situation was reversed, he probably would've been even less willing than Allen.

They were currently rehearsing Act 1 Scene 5, in which Romeo and Juliet first meet at the Capulet's masquerade (That Romeo and his friends had decided to crash) and fall in love. Many finders acting as serving men and guests were on stage as well, milling about, miming talking and carrying imaginary trays laden with food. Allen stood off to the side, anger mark on his face while Lenalee looked positively evil standing next to him, holding a small video camera, recording. Lavi and Krory were a whiles away from Kanda, pretending to get drunk and Cross and Cloud were there too, looking bored but playing along.

"I know not, sir," replied a random finder before Kanda sighed, took a deep breath and launched into a giant monologue about how beautiful Allen was apparently.

Howard Link stepped forward and read Tybalt's lines expertly, while Cross kept missing his cues and reading in a lazy drawl. Tybalt eventually storms off after his argument with Capulet, as did Link while Cross rolled his eyes and suddenly pulled out a cigarette, lighting it and taking a draw.

"Please refrain from smoking, General Cross!" cried Komui.

"Aww, you're no fun, Komui…"

Kanda approached Allen who had been standing in a corner making doodles into the corner of his script and unwillingly took the younger boy's hand.

"Gweh!" Allen shrieked, snatching his hand back and backing up against the wings, "Wha-what are you doing Kanda!?" Komui groaned while Kanda just made a noise of exasperation and rolled his eyes.

"Moron…" he muttered.

"Pssst, Allen," Lenalee whispered from beside him, "It's your scene!"

"Hunh?" Allen asked, bewildered, "Oh, oh yeah, I was uh- spacing out, yeah…"

"Whatever! Would you two just continue!?" Komui asked, throwing his hands up into the air.

Kanda sighed and muttered something about being in a house filled with 'fecking idiots' but reluctantly took Allen's hand again, who cringed and looked highly uncomfortable and began to read off of the script, "If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is-"

Allen cocked a brow, "Then why is it holding mine!?" he asked with gritted teeth.

Kanda glared back at him, "Because that's what is says in the script!"

"Guys…" Komui said tiredly from his director's seat.

They ignored him. "Well we're rehearsing aren't we!? It's not like as if it's the actual performance, so you don't have to hold my hand!" cried Allen.

"Well, sorry, Moyashi!" Kanda said angrily, tossing Allen's hand back and crossing his arms.

"It's ALLEN you man-bitch!" the irate white haired boy shouted.

"_Guys_….."

Kanda gaped, "Man-bitch!? You're not even a man-bitch, you're just a bitch!"

Allen's mouth opened and closed for a second before he spoke again, "What is your problem!? You're a dumbass, idiotic, antisocial humbug ass that thinks with its dick!"

Kanda growled, "That's it! I can't work with this guy!"

"What!? _You_ can't work with _me_!? Try working you who has absolutely no regard whatsoever for other's feelings! Namely mine!"

"What!? You're feelings!? How am I hurting your feelings!?"

Lavi and Lenalee noticed with glee that they were edging closer and closer as they continued to argue.

"You're always hurting my feelings! You're always so cruel to me! I don't like being called Moyashi!"

"Well too bad cuz you are a bean sprout! And I'll never call you anything else!"

"Fine!"

"Okay!"

And with that, Allen grabbed Kanda by the collar of his shirt and passionately made out with him.

Not.

Maybe in Lenalee, Lavi and the average yaoi fangirl's fantasies but not in reality… yet.

REALITY:

And with that, Allen grabbed Kanda by the collar of his shirt and threw him across the stage with surprising force for such a 'bean sprout.' The Japanese exorcist was able to break the fall with his head as a couple of Finders scuttled out of the area and landed with his ass sticking high up in the air.

"Ha! Haha! I totally just pwned you!" Allen laughed triumphantly, walking over to Kanda before a sudden fist shot out and punched him squarely in the chin, successfully knocking him over and sending him tumbling around on the ground. The younger boy sat up, hair all messed up and clothes askew, "Y'know, that really hurt," he said through gritted teeth while Kanda smirked.

"Break it up! Break it up!" Komui called, but the two boys seemed to have not heard him.

The midnight haired exorcist then proceed to grab Allen by the front of his collar, ready to head butt him, however, the younger boy managed to pull out of his grasp and kicked him in the stomach, sending Kanda flying to the middle of the stage. Allen walked over to him ready to announce his win when the older boy was suddenly back on his feet and punched him squarely in the eye, which he responded with a punch in the gut of his own.

"Break it up! I just said to break it up! C'mon!" And with that, Komui charged on stage, but shrieked and dodged when Kanda's body went flying to the ground his way. The Japanese boy then grabbed Allen's arm and swung him to the ground as Komui danced around them, unsure of what to do.

"It's a _draw_!" shouted Reever who suddenly appeared and managed to pry Allen and Kanda off each other, both of them sporting neko ears and tails and multiple anger marks as they continued to try to claw and kick at each other furiously.

"Did you get that?" Lavi asked Lenalee, all giddy.

"Oh yes, most definitely," she said, still filming with her video recorder.

"All that pent up sexual tension must be getting to them," he murmured, nodding.

"Mmhmm," Lenalee agreed, "And did you hear what Allen said about feelings earlier? Obviously he's showing his even more sensitive side around Kanda."

Lavi chuckled knowingly, "What an uke he is…"

_**xxx**_

_-Intermission-_

"Hello everybody!" Lavi called out to the audience of Black Order members below. He was standing with Lenalee, Krory, Miranda, Marie and Chaoji on the otherwise empty stage. And they were all looking either incredibly nervous or sweatdropping profusely.

"Since our two main actors are in the infirmary for the time being, we shall be performing a small… musical show for the intermission!" the redhead grinned, "And we are…" he trailed off, waiting for the others to join him.

"The yaoi fanclub," they said in monotone.

"Right! Hit it Panda!" he shouted as the Bookman sighed and turned on the boom box that the Science Section had recently developed.

Loud hip-hop music and a single rather high beat suddenly filled the auditorium as the members on stage all aligned into one line.

Lavi began to sing. Horribly might I add, but sing nonetheless, while the rest of the exorcists danced the steps.

"_Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe!  
Watch me Crank It  
Watch me Roll!_" Lavi sang happily and loudly while crossing his legs with the others, then lifting his left foot behind him and slapping it with his right hand and leaning to the side while the other exorcists on stage followed feebly except for Miranda who was a step behind everybody else and ended up running off stage, blushing madly.

"Oh... My... God..." said Komui and Reever simultaneously.

"_Watch me Crank Dat Soulja Boy  
Then Super Man Dat Hoe_!" he followed through a series of complicated steps and did the 'Superman' by standing on one leg and parting the air with his hands while Chaoji accidentally tripped and stepped on Krory's cape, which caused a minor chaotic moment.

"_Now, Watch me_ YUU!!" Lavi shouted, as he and the others lifted their hands to the side and did some weird twisty thing while sidestepping a couple of times.

"_Now, Watch me_ YUU!!"

"_Now, Watch me_ YUU!!"

"_Now, Watch me_ YUU!!"

(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

"STOP CALLING ME BY MY FIRST NAME BAKA USAGI!" came a very loud and angry voice from the doorway.

The music immediately stopped with a scratching noise like a record being halted and Lavi, who was in the middle of a sidestep fell onto his ass, "Looks like Yu and Allen are back from the infirmary…" then shrieked and ran for his life as the swords man came charging at him with his replacement Mugen.

_-Intermission-_

_**xxx**_

The two boys were now finally on stage, facing each other with their hands (unwillingly) touching lightly. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss," Kanda recited through gritted teeth, he sported many wraps and bandages on various parts of his body.

Allen's eyebrow twitched dangerously over his rather ugly black eye as he read word for word from his script with his free hand, once again in monotone, "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this; for saints have hands that pilgrims-"

"Ahem, Allen-kun," Komui called from the audience, hand cupping the side of his mouth, "You're making everyone fall asleep."

"Eh?" Allen looked up from behind the confines of his script, and indeed the audience and stage was full of people looking rather drowsy, Lavi was already snoring and leaning on Krory's shoulder, who was sweatdropping profusely.

"Erm yes," Komui pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Perhaps you could be a bit more… animated? More… Juliet sounding?"

Allen sighed, but nodded, then opened his mouth to speak… in an unbearably high-pitched feminine voice that was… overly animated, "Good pilgrim! _Oh_, you do wrong your hand _too_ much!" he pressed his script to his heart and pretended to swoon, "Which mannerly _devotion_ shows in _this_; for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands _do_ touch! And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss!" he turned to Komui, "How was that?"

"Um… er… it was… well… um…"

"Very disturbing," Kanda finished for him with a bored look in his eye. The white haired exorcist glared, and smacked him.

"Ow!" He shrieked, clutching his already bandaged head, "What the hell was that for!?"

"For calling my acting skills disturbing!"

"Well they are!"

"Guys…"

"I'm just trying to get into character, Kanda!"

"You don't sound like Juliet at all! You just sound gay!"

"Guys can we please get through at least one rehearsal without fighting?"

"You're the one that's gay!"

"How am I gay!?"

"You held my hand!"

"Well it's not like I wanted to!"

"Guys, _please_!"

"Yes you did! And what about that totally gay, fluffy white sweater-thing from chapter 135!?"

"That was gift from my mother! And you're breaking the fourth wall!"

"Whatever! Well I know you think I'm cute!"

"C'mon guys, let's not break out into another fight…"

"What!? Where the hell did you get that idea from, Moyashi?"

"Lavi…"

"Well, Lavi's a freak! What'd you expect!?"

"Hey!"

"Gu-_uys!"_

"So you… don't think I'm cute?"

"Hell no!"

"Are sure?"

"Hell yes!"

"It was just Lavi spouting crap?"

"Yes!"

"…And you don't think I'm cute in the slightest?"

"Not a bit!"

"Not even a teeny tiny little bit?"

"NO!"

"Oh… um… okay…" Allen looked down, fiddling with the bow at his neck, "It's just that I…" he trailed off, as if unsure if what he was about to say next would be alright.

"Guys?"

"WHAT!?" Kanda screamed at Komui who flinched notably.

"Can we continue with rehearsals now?" he asked rather timidly.

"YES!" the swordsman yelled, multiple anger marks dotting his head.

Komui sighed, "Kanda-kun, you really must get rid of some of that pent up sexual frustration or-"

"I AM NOT SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED! I'M JUST FRUSTRATED!"

"With what?"

"WITH ALL YOU FECKING IDIOTS!"

"Jeez, Kanda, no need to yell," Lenalee muttered, adjusting the strap on her camera.

"Yeah, Yu," Lavi agreed.

Kanda growled, "C'mon Moyashi! Stop whimpering in your emo corner and growing mushrooms! We're rehearsing! The play's in two weeks!"

"I was not whimpering! And I'm not growing mushrooms either!" Allen argued, but sniffed and ran his arm angrily back and forth over his eyes, wiping away any possible traces of tears.

Kanda rose an eyebrow, "Then why are there mushrooms all over the place!?"

"I dunno! They're just… there!" the white haired boy said.

"Uh-huh," the other boy groaned and rolled his eyes, "I can't take this anymore, we've already wasted hours upon hours of time and we haven't been able to get through this one scene! It's dark outside and I'm calling it a night!" Kanda walked to the edge of the stage, grabbing his gay, fluffy, long white sweater and stalking out of the auditorium before Komui could protest.

"Wait Kanda! I'll try harder now! I swear!" Allen yelled after him, but his only reply was the slamming of the door.

"Aww, we didn't even get to the kiss," Lenalee pouted, turning off her camera and stretching before pulling out her pocket watch, "Oh my god, Allen-kun, it's already ten o'clock!" she yawned lightly and jumped off the stage, "Goodnight!"

Komui sighed, "I guess we'll just have to continue tomorrow then, alright folks, that's it!" he said, sighing and looking down at his empty coffee mug. He walked over to his beloved sister and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they exited together.

"Aww, siblings," Lavi said as the rest of the cast members filed out of the exits, "C'mon, Allen, let's get going!"

"Huh?" the boy had been kneeling alone on the stage and was staring up at the ceiling as if in deep thought, "Oh, um, yeah, coming," he said, following his redhead friend before the lights on the stage were snuffed out.

**A/N: Weeeee! And another chapter is done! Dunno about you, but I felt this chapter was a bit more serious than others and I wrote the last scene while listening to 'Never Too Late' by Three Days Grace, which might explain why it was slightly more serious. 'Crank that (Soulja Boy)' doesn't belong to me, hmmm… I had always imagined Lavi singing it to Kanda, mainly cuz of all the 'You!'s XD God I hate that song… Anyways, I tried to squeeze in a tiny bit of relationship development, dunno if you all noticed it though -sweatdrop- and kudos to Digimagic for the suggestion of bringing in Kanda's totally gay sweater! XD Anyways, here are the review responses!**

**Evee-chan: Thanks! But aren't all hardcore yaoi fangirls demanding though? XD**

**  
Madam Snow: Haha, yes, I'm sure he will XD Hooray for Ouran! It's one of my favorite animes so I couldn't resist lol.**

**Kagu-chan luvs An1m3: W-wow, thank you… thank you -bows-**

**Hana Goldflower: Hmm? Yes, Doubt and Trust the third theme song is absolute love XD It's my fav out of all of them, however the newest one, Gekidou is growing on me XD Ahaha, yeah, they're all pretty OOC aren't they?**

**SilentKiller1: Thanks! Yeah, poor Kanda and Allen… but it's for the sake of yaoi fandom! XD**

**Alva Hesperus: E-EH!? There are other Romeo and Juliet DGM stories!? –freaks out- A-and I though I was being original… -sniffs- Oh well, guess that just shows how little I visit the DGM fanfiction page, most of my time is spent on the Death Note ones XD But I'm glad that you think it's different from the others! And yes, those poor, poor mushrooms… **

**KHtrinity: Thanks! Glad you like it!**

**brokenheart-edge: Ah yes, immediately after I read your review I searched up stories in which Allen is seme… and I am very pleased XD True, Kanda is rather OOC, but I simply adore seme Allen, it's like… his dark side or something XD Dun Dun DUN! XD Haha, I doubt Allen will be able to… maybe a minorly satisfactory Juliet XD**

**erisfer: That is good to know! Thank you very much!**

**Noheals: Hooray for mushrooms! XD Hmm… well, I've never had an emo corner before, so I guess I didn't really have a right to insult it, but… wouldn't it be very depressing and sad to have one? XD I had a dream in which Lavi was on a stage singing Soulja Boy XD Which was why I had to include it… I actually really adore seme Allen XD **

**animesyndrome: They're currently recruiting members of the Science Section and many Finders XD At least the break was a very short one! Lol.**

**olivia-yuymaxwell: GAH! Allen must be arrested for his mushroom abuse! XD XD Haha, thanks!**

**Pathia Jade: Krory/Lavi? Interesting pairing… Although I'm still in love with Lavi/Miranda, I could try to squeeze in a bit of that… XD**

**YugiKitten: Yes, we must fall to extremes in the name of yaoi fandom! And thank you XD**

**Sarahfreak: Why thank you! Your review has certainly brightened up my day… or night… -checks watch- Holy crap 3:59 am! -dies- **

**Wulfi-chan: Haha, yes, it's only natural for ukes to be cute XD It's like, some kind of… unwritten law lol, thank you!**

**Digimagic: Haha, everybody seems to love Denial!Kanda XD And yes, thank you for the suggestion, which I did bring in. -smiles-**

**Oh god, it is now… 4:01 am, yikes! -yawns- Goodnight everybody! –head suddenly slams down on keyboard, snoring as random letters type out- asfudyaihgviweahojfdasghbasgl;sjangljfa;oihdgb;aiw90234bjkjbfabnffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff…**


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